But the Words Got in the Way

Don't you hate that. . . when you feel like you need to say something but the words just won't come out? I remember the words to an old Carpenter's song (Yes, I am that old!)

". . .we tried to talk it over but the words got in the way."
(Masquerade, circa 1970?)

I have a lot that I feel like I want to say -- but there are so many, and yet not enough words to say what's on my mind and in my heart.

Two posts ago, I told you about my new blog. (This will actually be the first of two new blogs -- stay tuned) And, I mentioned that I use the sidebar on this blog (names listed) to visit other friends' blogs. I started the Becky Homecky blog so that I wouldn't have a list of 2,000 quilt, scrapbooking, and cooking blogs to visit -- by launching from this blog. It's all about the integrity of the "sitemeter" count.

Anywhoo - I have been using my list on the right hand column to check blogs for the past couple of years. I don't have them "ranked" in any specific order -- other than having Mark's two blogs at the top, because he's well. . . .you know.

I used to have them grouped by categories (in my mind it made sense) and there's a bit of a grouping now -- but I'll never explain my reasons. You'd really think I was crazy. Nevertheless, I spent a little time this morning -- while staying home for Caroline's second consecutive snow day (do NOT get me started. . . ) reading some of these blogs I love so much.

Hoping for an update, I popped over to my friend Joni's blog. Upon arriving there, I learned that her beloved husband, Boyd, passed away very suddenly at home on Monday evening. And my heart broke.

They hadn't been married very many years -- but they lived a lifetime of love together. They loved to watch PBS movies & TV series. Boyd loved to bake -- he was especially good at baking bread. And, she would often tell me about his adventures making french bread -- something I've always wanted to learn, but was too afraid to try.

Boyd had been battling some illnesses recently, but he and Joni continued to celebrate every day -- and she was scrapbooking the memories with great stories including ones about her two beautiful daughters, her cat named Gabby, and of course, her beloved Boyd.

So, I reflected. I wrote her a comment on her blog -- and sent an email because I wanted to say more than just a passing comment on her blog. I tried to express what was in my heart.

". . . but the words got in the way."

Then, I went to Facebook to get an update about Beth. After reading on her blog about how these first day(s) of chemo were taking their toll on her body, I changed my facebook status to read:

"Angie (Knowles) Aubrey is praying for friends today -- for Beth who made it through her first day of chemo. . . and for Joni, whose sweet husband very suddenly passed away two nights ago. God is good. . . .all the time."

And oh baby, I wanted to say more:

". . . but the words got in the way."

About an hour later, I went back to Joni's blog -- out of curiosity -- to see if a mutual blog friend had left a comment yet. When I got there, I read this message -- from Beth to Joni -- and they've never met:

"Joni this is Angie's friend, Beth. I am so sorry... i am praying for you and your family, I am feeling a loss for you and so your sense must be huge. Dear Woman with so much wit and warmth may God be so very present to you with the marvelous roots of his love evident as you discover how high how wide how deep how long they really are... much love"

Again. . . they have never met -- but they've each met me. And I wanted to try to express to you how much this series of events meant to me. And, though it may not seem like it:

". . . the words got in the way."

Today, I pray for you -- no matter what the situation you might be facing -- I pray for clear vision, gentle words, and a kind spirit in which to express those words.

Tonight, as I go to sleep, I will be praying prayers of comfort and sympathy for my precious friend, Joni. I will ask God to comfort her in supernatural ways -- and to bring peace and joy to her heart and mind in the coming days and weeks. I'm also praying that God would be BIG, HUGE, and gracious to Beth as her body is under attack.

Here's how Beth described it:

". . .right now, unseen to you, to me…RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE, coursing through my body is a killer army of drugs hunting down cancerous cells as it surges along… taking down in “friendly fire” my white blood cells, my hair follicles, etc as it advances."

So, I'm praying prayers of protection for her hair follicles and for her white blood cells. (Don't usually see those things listed on a church prayer list, do you?) I'm praying that these killer drugs will do what they were designed to do -- kill the cancer cells. I'm praying for strength for her weary body, restoration for her soul, protection for her family (8 hours away while she's in treatment), and complete healing from this vile disease.

And just in case you are worried that I won't be able to get those words out, take heart:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:26-28