No Song. . .not today

This is not a bad sign. Really it's not. And, in fact, you might find song titles/lyrics strewn throughout this post. I tend to pull phrases out of my. . . .head (what were you thinking!?) and throw them into casual conversation.

Here's an example. Yesterday, Mark and I enjoyed a field trip to West Knoxville in the morning and early afternoon. Our coffee with friends was across the street from Joanns. I know, what a disappointment. Anyway, I needed yarn in a big, bad way. When I talk about 'yarn' I am not talking about worsted wool or acrylic yarn. I buy cotton yarn. These, specifically.

After I got home, I surveyed the yarn I purchased. I had bought enough individual skeins to make three (3) baby afghans. And, I bought another big skein which will make a fourth, but it needs some border yarn. (I have that in my stash) I'll write (another day) about the ONE crochet stitch I know. . .and the wonderful woman to whom I attribute the afghans.

But, anyway, I'm getting back to the song lyric thing. . . .as I was sorting the yarns, I thought of the phrase, "Spinning Yarns." This phrase, I believe, means telling stories. However, in my "stuck in the 70s mind" I went to Rod Stewart's song, "You're in My Heart" which includes the lyrics: ". . .spinning yarns that were so lyrical. I really must confess right here, the attraction was purely physical."

That's right, when you're playing Cranium the next time, and you have to write a poem, remember physical and lyrical rhyme. (sort.of.)

Yeah, it was a diversion. Yeah, it completely strayed away from my original topic and intent, and yes, I have to admit I've now got you humming a song. (Sorry) But. . . that just shows you what it's like to live in my brain. The little gerbils get tired on that wheel. . .trust me.

In my quest to NOT give you a song, I was going to put a thought before you. It's not what some would call a "God thing," or maybe it is. It's just been a bizarre couple of days, and I have got some serious thinking to do.

Here's what's spinning on the wheel (with gerbil power):

Wednesday night, our Bible Study group was challenged (via video) to "move on" from where we found ourselves standing--and to believe God was going before us. I didn't feel especially challenged (personally) at the time, because I was kinda content with where God has me right now -- and figured (hoped) that he was content with me there, too.

THEN. . . I was talking to my sweet friend, Joni (Yummers) yesterday afternoon. I had just wanted an author's name, but our conversation went well beyond that, and blessed me in more ways than I can say. She talked about my blog. She talked about my writing style. She really encouraged me and made me feel so very good about keeping this little online journal for the world (yikes) to read, if they're so inclined.

And that should be enough, but, after we returned home, I was reminded by a friend of mine that when God gave Caroline to me, he had meant for a new ministry to start. Brian, my dear friend from college, reminded me that he told me four years ago (almost) that Caroline was God's way of starting a new ministry that I had never imagined before. His e-mail yesterday talked about me speaking on a national level -- telling the stories of Caroline and God's faithfulness.

Whoa.

Oh, and did I mention that my favorite brother in law (and his lovely wife) gave me the gift of authorship for Christmas?! (That's right, Bethie. . .you're not the only one!) They gave me a gift certificate for publishing my work. . . most people publish their blog entries.

I haven't acted on it, yet. Obviously I haven't -- because can you imagine me doing something that HUGE and not talking about it here? I thought not.

So today has been a day spent wondering, wishing, imagining, and dreaming. I even jotted some notes for a "lesson" or "talk" based on the life of Jonah. Am I supposed to do something like this? Am I supposed to write a book? And then the bigger questions . .. Please don't answer them. They're rhetorical questions.

Am I gifted to do this?
If I chose to do this, what would my family do?
Would I quit my current job?
Would anyone be crazy enough to hire me?
Would anyone read a book I'd write?
Am I qualified?
Am I worthy?
Am I inferior?

See where this path went? Directly to where Satan likes to grab hold of me and shake me until I cry, or give up. And I am left here -- totally confused. . . .completely overwhelmed. . . and a bit shaken up.

What's my response? I am desperately clinging to what I know is secure (current job, current income level, current schedule, current life) But, what if there's a higher calling I'm not allowing myself to hear? And what about that favorite verse I like to quote so much. . . ?

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord,

"plans to prosper you, not harm you;

plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Knowing that God has a plan, I'm just asking to be on the short list of people to receive a copy of the plan. In the meantime, I'm staying in His Word, talking to him constantly, and if all else fails, I plan to keep watching the sky. . . you know, just in case!